You’re probably really confused right now (perhaps even downright scared). Maybe you think no one in the world could possibly understand you. Or you’re the only one who has these feelings... But there is good news!  You are NOT alone!
How do I know if I’m gay, lesbian or bisexual?

The truth is that sexual orientation is way too complex to give you a simple answer.  For some people the words “gay,” “lesbian” and “bisexual” describe who they find really attractive, or who they tend to fall head over heals in love with, or who they feel really connected to. 

Over the course of a lifetime, many people find themselves attracted to someone of the same sex. Whether they ever act on these feelings or identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual is a-whole-nother story. When it comes right down to it, only YOU know if identifying as lesbian, gay, or bisexual is right for you.  And don’t worry if you’re not sure how to identify your sexuality right now. Over time, you’ll find out through experience whether you are attracted to guys or to girls--or to both.

Am I alone?
Now I can give you a simple answer: You are not alone!

If you won’t take my word for it, let me give you some hard facts. Scientific research has found that at least 5% - 10% of the population is lesbian, gay and/or bisexual. So simple math has it that if you are sitting in a class of thirty students, odds are that there are one or two other people in the room who feel the same way as you.

Being alone and feeling alone are very different, though.  And if you FEEL alone, there are lots of ways to connect with others.  For starters, you can email the Youth Services Director at the Gay Alliance, Jess Cohen, at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. !  She is a good, confidential resource to talk to and maybe find places to meet other LGBT youth when you are ready.

If I don’t fit the stereotype, am I still gay, lesbian or bisexual?

Stereotypes are just that - stereotypes. What is true for some members of a group is not true for all. Just like straight people, LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning) people look and act in many different ways.

So if you are a dramatic, fashionable, artistic-type who thinks he might be gay, great! And if you are an athletic, quiet, average-kind-of guy who thinks he might be gay, that is just as great, too! The important thing is to be yourself.

What will my family and friends think?

The truth is that some family members and friends might be uncomfortable. Maybe because of their moral or religious beliefs, or because of the stereotypes they have about homosexuality. Or maybe they fear your sexual identity/orientation will make them look bad.  It may be difficult for some people to be as supportive as you would like.

However, many more people are likely to be right there for you.  And with time, support and education, those who are uncomfortable may realize that being LGBTQ is normal and healthy!

What do I do now?
As you start taking a look at your feelings about your sexual orientation and need someone to talk to, remember to confide in someone who is likely to be supportive. If you don’t know anyone like that or if you’d rather not talk to someone you know, you can always talk to a staff person or a volunteer at the Gay Alliance like the Youth Services Director.  There is also short-term counseling available to help you.

Check the calendar link for meeting times and place.  There are MANY people who have been where you are and can help you out!
 

What other resources are out there for me?

 

Threshold Center for Youth Provides free counseling, health care services—including confidential HIV testing—alcohol and substance abuse services, a GED program and an on-site coming out support group. Call them at 454-7530.

The Center for Youth Provides free counseling and emergency housing. Call them anytime at 271-7670.

Life Line Provides 24-hour emergency help, information and referrals. Call themat (585) 275-5151 or 800-310-1160

Trevor Helpline A 24 hour national hotline for queer youth who need someone to talk to. Call them anytime at 1-800-850-8078.

 

**For more resources, please click the Resources link.

I was scared out of my wits when I began to realize I was gay. But you don’t have to remain scared, nor alone. There is a whole world open to you. Enjoy it! — Ellen, age 17, Rochester, New York