By Scott Fearing

Late last fall, I helped to facilitate a meeting of Rochester PFLAG and as we went around the room with introductions, the woman who sat across from me introduced herself by saying that, as an author, she had written a scene for her new book in which a mother attends a PFLAG meeting, and since she had never attended a PFLAG meeting, she wanted to see if she “got it right.”

Not the typical PFLAG introduction, but, it definitely caught

everyone’s attention.

In a follow-up conversation I learned more. “My name is Kathy Schaefer and I’m an ordinary woman who has lead an ordinary life,” she said, almost apologetically. She revealed that she graduated from Nazareth College and stayed in Rochester to get married, have kids and become a schoolteacher.

“I did all those very ordinary things and then, my world tipped upside down when in 1995 I became a published author,” she explained. “With the publication of the first of my 37 novels, Kathryn Shay (her pseudonym) was born.”

The success of the first novel lead to a second, and a third and soon Kathy needed more time for Kathryn to write. So Kathy quit her teaching job to spend more time writing, as well as time on book tours and leading an occasional writing class.

“I love writing and I love seeing my work in print, ” she effused, “and I have never regretted any of the choices I have made, and through it all I still consider myself pretty ordinary. And, like many ordinary people in this world, I have a gay son.”

So this is what brought her to attend at a Rochester PFLAG meeting. She was there as Kathryn, the author, but also as Kathy, the mother. The art was personal.

“He came out when he was 17 (he’s now 26) and his coming out changed my life, too,” she said.

Having had 10 years to reflect on being the mother of a gay man brought her to a place of understanding about the interplay between her son’s coming out, her own coming out and her entire family’s coming out process.

“We’re all doing very well, but our family went through some difficult times with his coming out.” Looking thoughtful, she continued, “Happily, I think the problems were few and far between. But I saw problems happening in other families with gay kids, and I felt I had insight to offer, something that could help.”

So, five years ago, Kathryn decided to write a novel about a family whose son comes out as gay. “It is very fictionalized with only a few elements of our journey in it,” clarified Kathy.

I had the privilege of reading a version of the manuscript; I can only say that after 20 years of educating on gay issues, “The Perfect Family” provided me with a fresh, soulful and enlightening coming out story. The elation of a first love that feels so wonderfully natural, yet carries a heavy social stigma, was so well presented that I found my own heart rejoicing, only to be tugged back to the unfortunate reality that many people are afraid to allow others to experience love. I would recommend “The Perfect Family” to anyone who wants to understand the innumerable issues that face a family when a child’s reality collides with the family’s expectations.

“The Perfect Family” by Kathryn Shay will be released in September 2010 by Bold Strokes Books, a gay and lesbian press with pre-release orders available late this summer.

From the publisher: “What happens to the ‘perfect family’ when the future suddenly changes in the most unexpected way? Seventeen-year old Jamie Davidson doesn’t think being gay should be such a big deal… until he comes out to his parents and friends. Even as Jamie celebrates no longer needing to hide his true self and looks forward to the excitement of openly dating another boy, the entire Davidson family is thrown into turmoil.

Jamie’s father Mike can’t reconcile his religious beliefs with his son’s sexuality. His brother Brian is harassed by his jock buddies and angry at Jamie for complicating all their lives. Maggie, his mother, fears being able to protect her son while struggling to save her crumbling marriage. And

Jamie feels guilty for the unhappiness his disclosure has caused.

“Every member of their ‘perfect family’ must search their hearts and souls to reconnect with each other in this honest, heartwarming, and hopeful look at the redemptive power of love and family.”

To read more about “The Perfect Family” and Kathryn Shay, you can visit:

www.kathrynshay.com

http://kathrynshay.livejournal.com

http://www.myspace.com/kathrynshay

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kathryn-Shay-Fan-Page/241178789369